Dance Church and Why I Almost Didn't Go
On the inner critic that's always wrong, driving from wounds versus driving from purpose, and what it looks like to hold space for someone falling apart.
Facing Fears
I went to something called Dance Church yesterday. Had no idea what I was getting into… just heard it was some sort of dance, the name sounded kind of weird, and I was going alone.
I just got back to Minnesota. I wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone. But I also really did not want to go.
I sat with it beforehand. Pictured how it would go. How uncomfortable it might be. Whether I’d connect with anyone. I heard about it from a couple of people I met the day before… complete strangers. So I didn’t really know them either.
I almost talked myself out of it. But I went.
As soon as I got there, I felt uncomfortable. So I just got into my body. Grounded myself. Got into a flow. And started to let go of the inner critic that was running stories about being judged.
The inner critic’s stories are always wrong. There’s another voice in there that just wants to connect and feel alive. That’s the one worth listening to.
By the end there were about a hundred people in the room, and we were all having a blast. When I left, people were coming up to me saying “I really like your vibe.”
The Habit
I had a few conversations this week with people about their goals, dreams, ambitions. Big ones.
And underneath all of them, I noticed the same thing: the drive was coming from pain.
Not just a desire to grow or build something. A need to remove something. To prove something. To escape the part of their life that’s been hurting.
Pain is a good place to launch from. It creates real motivation. It can get you off the ground.
But being driven by pain is not the same as being driven by progress or purpose. Those are three different things. And pain alone isn’t sustainable.
Because here’s the thing… pain doesn’t fully go away. You just get better at managing it. So if the whole engine is built on removing pain, the insecurity and the sense of inferiority stay underneath everything until that wound heals.
Which it kind of never fully does.
Moving toward something is different from running away from it. That distinction is worth paying attention to.
Pay It Forward
When I was going through a really heavy moment this week… leaving a city that meant everything to me, processing a lot of grief… one of my closest friends held space for me to just fall apart.
I was struggling to let the walls down. To let myself actually feel it. And once I did, I just wept in her arms.
I needed it so badly. And the gift she gave me wasn’t advice, or a pep talk, or anything like that. She was just there. She didn’t rush the hug. She didn’t make it a big thing. She let me be in it for however long I needed.
You never know what someone is truly going through. When you give someone the space to not feel judged… to just feel what they need to feel… that’s a level of giving that bonds you deeply.
Be that friend this week. If someone around you is carrying something, don’t fix it. Just hold it with them. However long the hug needs to be.
From the Week
1. The transition
I’m back in Minnesota. And I’m doing my best to not force myself back into routines or habits that don’t feel like mine right now.
If I want to nap, I nap. If I want to scroll, I scroll.
Because what’s actually happening is an identity shift. I left a life I built over 3 years. I’m about to go into something completely new. The body recognizes that even when the mind wants to move on.
The transition time is real. Giving myself patience to feel into the next chapter… that’s the work right now. Not the habits, not the content, not the strategy. Just letting the in-between be what it is.
2. Mom
Got home after being out for a while. Hadn’t eaten yet today. Still jet lagged. Just wanted to eat and exist quietly.
My mom, being my mom, had questions. She hasn’t seen me in a long time. Of course she wanted to know about my life. That’s completely fair.
I then became short with her.
What I noticed is that I never said any of that out loud. I didn’t say “hey, I haven’t eaten and I’m fried, can I just have five minutes?” I let the trigger be unspoken… let the impatience build… and it came out sideways.
It’s so simple. Just say how you’re feeling before it turns into something else. But hunger and jet lag and a big week in… suddenly that simple thing is the hardest thing in the room.
Funny how fast home works on you.
Sam Gute Rogers
Mental Fitness Specialist